Tuesday, November 16, 2010

amazing grace

what is it about death that makes us appreciate life so much?

is it that we are reminded of our own mortality? probably.

there's just something about attending a funeral during the thanksgiving season that makes it harder and easier at the same time. 

heaven gained a sweet lady yesterday when jesus called mrs. evelyn sutherland home.  though i never had the pleasure of meeting her before she became ill, i know she was a wonderful woman--i see it in my husband's eyes when he tells stories about her.

death is a funny thing. it's hard for the living, but a blessing for those who now find themselves in the presence of God and the loved ones that passed before them.  i like to think that my own grandmothers were at the pearly gates to greet mrs. evelyn.  my jojo will take her dancing on the golden streets of heaven and let her eat ice cream in bed (if they ever rest in heaven.). my gram will crochet her a warm blanket and cut her the perfect piece of watermelon.

though it was a hard day, i was thankful to be a part of it.  i was glad that i was there to hold david's hand, to hug his mom, to pat his brother's back.

i loved hearing people talk about mrs. evelyn's smile.  david's smile has the same effect on me: it's contagious.  it soothes my mind.  i've said it before: he makes my heart sing.

i imagine he has a lot of sutherland in him.

today, i was reminded of the of blessings i have received this year. my husband is the first--being a part of his loving family, to have in-laws that love and accept my own parents so effortlessly, is a close second.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

butch and george

we live in a little house in montgomery.  we play in the backyard, dressing up the dogs in clothes, cooking "soup" made from wild onions that grow in the backyard.
we give live performances in the kitchen, then later on the backporch after daddy has redone it and decided to keep the christmas lights on year round so we can have these "shows" at night.

we close the hallway door and make our side of the house a big play area. she gets in the hamper and we play post office.

years later, we move to georgia. we know no one. we do countless puzzles on the new hardwood floors.

sixteen months later, we move again. we spend six months having to share a room for the first time in a tiny apartment, and don't speak to each other after the first one.

i graduate high school. go off to college. come home to find that she has helped herself to stuff that wouldn't fit in my dorm room. she calls to tell me she got her drivers license, and i cry. she is growing up.

i graduate from college. get married. she is my maid of honor.

i move away. lose touch with everyone, including myself. i can't come to her college graduation. i cry on the phone while listening to them announce her name as she crosses to stage to accept her degree.

i move back. i visit her apartment. we giggle and reconnect.

i fall apart.

she rides with my father on saturdays to visit me at the creek. she sends me letters, telling me i am beautiful and strong.

she is my baby sister. all grown up.

she dutifully plays maid of honor one last time, this time with an engagement ring on her hand and a smile on her heart.

aside from my parents, she has been my biggest cheerleader through life.

i get to walk down the aisle again on saturday. this time, as her matron of honor. i tell myself i won't cry, but i know i will. seeing her in her bridal gown has already brought me to tears in the salon.

i wish her and jacob all the happiness in the world.

maybe, one day, we'll both have little girls who can dress up their dogs and make onion soup together.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

the list you won't understand

so, you won't understand most of this post--it's mainly for our memories alone.

here are some highlights from the reception and honeymoon...

1. "now kimberly, i want to be in bed before midnight." riiiiiiiiiight....
2. "um, i want to drink something tonight. how do i do that?"
3. tats
4. hubby redoing flower arrangements (i hate martin flowers)
5. david did a hoedown dance, and the footloose dance
6. kegstands
7. piano man
8. after party!
9. harper drove us home. 'nuff said
10. apparently, i slept at the foot of the bed. in my wedding dress.
11. hubby dumped water on my still drunk self to wake me up for the plane ride
12. watched "bed intruder" while waiting for first flight. a great idea at 5:45 am when you're still slightly tipsy.
13. david got intimate with the plane bathroom
14. the driver on the way to the resort played really bad eighties music in his van. and sang along. cue "we are the world"
15. eurotrash girl
16. the russian mafia
17. "how do you feel?" "VERY SEXY!"
18. 2, yes 2, porn channels in the room (for free!!)
19. "bingo! bingo! mamasita in cancun!"
20. "alabama!"
21. "i'd rather ____ that wheelchair than your _____"
22. can't decide on an appetizer? order 2 entrees!
23. battle wounds
24. "wow! this magnification mirror makes my junk look HUGE!"
25. accidentally see the jersey housewives girl on free porn channel. gross.
26. the butt show
27. the ice ice baby couple
28. smalls
29. the cool shower
30. plunge pool ;)
31. all you can eat ice cream machine
32. michael jackson show
33. mexican william shatner
34. "i want something fruity. sure, bring me that."
35. monkey drinks!
36. grateful we didn't do the kayak excursion
38. "holy $#%! that is cold!"
39. $25 sunscreen
40. "you conspired against me with the cashier."
41. cuban cigars
42. smooth operator (snap, snap, snap, snap--to no apparent beat whatsoever)
43. room service breakfast
44. "mrs. farr" (giggle, giggle, blush)
45. oreos, m&m's, snickers, lays in the room!
46. coke "light"
47. "drink more tequila. you speak-a better espanol."
48. random hermit crab
49. swing bed!
50.  "what's manlier than scotch and lambchops?  two scotches and lambchops!"
51.  mini-beer shot coming out kimberly's nose
52.  still intoxicated kimberly eating sausage for the first time in years
53.  fernando the iguana
54.  the spiciest ceviche ever
55.  so we have a little problem...no, it might be fixed...wait, just kidding...9hrs later we take off for miami
56.  two people from alabama eating at a bubba gump's in cancun
57.  being the only english speaking people in the US CITIZENS!! customs line in miami
58.  coming home to kimberly's panties still in the shower from the week before
59.  to this day, kimberly still can't find her wedding shoes

Thursday, September 2, 2010

so, i've been putting off this blog post simply because i am afraid that i cannot find the words to adequately express my immense amount of joy.  well, that and the fact that i knew just attempting this would bring me to tears. {sniff}

on august 20, 2010 i realized what it means to marry your best friend.  the one person who understands you better than anyone else.  the person who you want by your side no matter what is happening.

to think that after 14 years the LORD brought a childhood crush back into my life.

and he was the one.  i just knew it.  i felt it in my soul.  and everything he did and said confirmed it.

seeing him for the first time that day, we both got a bit teary, but there wasn't any crying.  more than anything, i was just so very excited.  taking pictures was miserable for the most part, but i felt so beautiful when david looked at me that i hardly even cared. (for this, i can only speak for myself)

we mingled before the ceremony, and promptly at six, our family sat down and waited.

as "how beautiful" played softly in the chapel, david's grandmother and our mothers were seated, david's dad took his place beside him, and my sister played the role of maid of honor.

during the last stanza, daddy walked me down the aisle, telling me how happy he was before we appeared in the chapel foyer.  this time, there was no asking if i was sure this was what i wanted to do.  we both knew how right it was.

the ceremony was short, but so very special.  our childhood minister spoke softly about our story.  our fathers read the verses we had selected, with mine reading Romans 5:1-, the one that has carried me through the past 3 years.

as we recited our vows and exchanged rings, my heart was so full that i was completely unaware of anyone else in the room.  it was just us.  even thinking of it now makes my throat catch.

love is unpredictable.  it sometimes makes no sense at first, only to turn into the simplest of concepts.

david is my one true love.  my partner for life.  hearing him pledge to be with me forever was the most romantic experience i could have ever imagined. 

i know that in another ten years, i will reflect upon this day and think, "wow. and i thought we loved each other so much back then."

in my opinion, this makes me the world's luckiest girl.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


I'm a procrastinator when it comes to stuff that doesn't interest me. Right now I have 3 assignments for school which would take probably a total of 5 hours to complete, but I just don't feel like doing them.

I guess it's my ADHD as well. Both my brothers have it, so chances are I do too. When something doesn't grab my attention or bores me, I don't want to do it. It's why I don't watch soccer or go hiking.

I wish my classes interested me more, but they just seem like pointless paperwork right now. I'm just going through the motions with regards to classwork. I have a final in 2 weeks, and I've glanced over the material. Peptic ulcers is one of the modules. Really, peptic ulcers? Take some Zantac and leave me alone. Give me something more challenging than peptic ulcers.

I decided to do laundry instead of these assignments, that's how little they interest me. Oooh, I just heard the dryer go off!!

Friday, July 9, 2010

coincidence? i think not.

i am a huge book nerd. i keep one in my purse and one in my cd player at all times. if i don't have one in my car, i get anxious. and bored.

one of the things i love most about being with david is that we can both spend an entire afternoon just reading, side by side, and be completely content.

when i went through my divorce, i read (or, rather, listened to) eat. pray. love. it was fitting, really. i had recently just "relearned" how to eat, pray, and love (myself).  i enjoyed the book immensely. it was one of those that made me sad when it ended.

yesterday, i picked up committedit just hit me how fitting my timing with elizabeth gilbert has been. here i am, about to remarry next month, reading about her own journey once again.

i've reflected a lot these past few days about my own views of marriage. i feel blessed to have the opportunity to love again  finally find and understand love.

after my divorce, i went through so many emotions when thinking of marriage. it was one of those things i longed for as a simple human desire, but absolutely scared me to death at the same time. the horrible experience of divorce is enough to make anyone terrified of the mere possibility of it happening again.

i dated someone before david. thinking about the possibility of marriage with him, though i knew i could be happy, made me break out into a sweat. something was missing.

it's different with david.

as i've said before, he makes me feel like a better person. he understands me, accepts me (messiness and all).

when i think of love, marriage, and david, i completely understand and, even more astounding, believe again in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


technically, no, i'm not a cougar. (hey, hollywood defines it as a five year age difference).

today is my soon-t0-be-hubby's birthday. he's now 28. i'll turn that dreaded number that begins with three and ends with zero in less than four months.

yep, i'm the older woman.

almost thirty and no kids yet. this was not my plan. oh well. maybe i can play the "no, honey, you do it...you're so much less aged than me" card one day. at the very least, maybe i can be pregnant when we move and not have to help out. yeah, that'd be nice.

so, yes, i am older than david. it's never bothered me though.

true, i had a crush on him when he was 12. true, dating him at times has been similar to what that must have been like. . . i'll spare you the scenarios and comments.

it's great though. we have so much fun together. i am so incredibly high strung at times that i need a dose of immaturity to set me back down in reality.

at other times, he is so wise and strong--his perspective has calmed down my self-induced near hyperventilation more times that i can count.

yes, i adore my "young stud." he's just what i need, and more than i could have ever hoped for.

happy birthday, my love. ME-OW!

my view

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Saturday, June 19, 2010

little man

when it comes to fathers, i've been spoiled.

steve kornman is perhaps the most loving and generous man on this planet. he also puts us with my mother and two daughters (this makes him nearly a saint in my book).

i wasn't lucky enough to have my dad around throughout most of my childhood. he worked out of town to support us. he didn't like it, but that's what he needed to do to take care of us.

we had a "weekend daddy." he left early on monday morning and returned late thursday evening, usually shortly before, if not after, our bedtime. on fridays, he worked from home. before she started school, my sister would sit in the bedroom with him, playing "secretary."

i loved fridays as an elementary school kid. dad would come eat lunch with me. when a parent came to do this, you got to sit at a separate table and invite a few friends to come with you. everyone wanted to come.

on weekends, i'd have friends over. dad would play "wheelbarrow" when putting us to bed.

when i was a teenager, he frequently toted my girlfriends and me to winn-dixie. we'd stock up on toilet paper. and then throw it in the trees of our crushes' yards.

over the years, i've been fortunate to have my dad present for all of the significant events in my life. he and my mom have been my biggest cheerleaders.

i owe my dad my life.

yes, it was he who got into his truck, drove an hour to my home, and literally picked me up off of the floor.

it was he who talked to the insurance company.

it was he who drove me to a residential treatment center in chelsea, alabama.

my father gave me the help i desperately needed.

i know that his leaving me there was one of the hardest things he has ever done, aside from waiting for the opportunity to step in and do it.

my father saved my life. he gave me hope. he initiated the process of my recovery.

he held my hand through my divorce.

he helped me pack up my belongings and move out on my own.

and, a year and half later, he gave david his blessing to ask me to marry him, completely without any reservations. you don't know this, but that is saying a lot.

david knew how important it was for me to have my dad's approval. i cried when i found out.

my dad has once again given me a new life.

and i will forever be grateful to him.

he is my hero.

i love you, daddy.

Monday, June 14, 2010

stars and stripes forever?

today is flag day.

i do not know this because i am exceptionally patriotic. i know this because it is also an old friend's birthday.

i've never really thought of it as "flag day." until this year.

i am lucky enough to have not had to personally experience was it is like to be a military family. however, this year, i feel like it is all around me.

my "cubbymate" at work just sent her boyfriend off to basic training. he's scheduled to deport shortly.

a former "hallmate" of my mine from freshman year of college just had to be experience the horror of military limbo while waiting to find out if her husband was going to be ordered overseas.

my sweet cousin, miriah, spent the first year of her marriage apart from her new husband as he served our country.

i watch "army wives," but i do not know what it must be like.

today, i got to thinking about david. about his being a nurse. about the very real possibility of another world war.

i asked him, "if we were to go to war again, and there was a need, a calling, for medical professionals, would you enlist in the armed forces?"

without hesitation, he replies, "yes. i'd feel like it was my duty. it would suck: for me, for you, for us. but i'd feel like it was the right thing to do."

at this moment, i experienced very conflicting emotions: i was scared and proud at the same time. david is so genuine and strong in his convictions. he is open and honest. these are just a few of the reasons i know he will make a wonderful husband (and, God willing, one day, a father).

i don't know what it is like to send away someone you love to fight for a greater cause.

but this year, i've been more aware of it.

God bless you all.


T-minus 69 days till the wedding and I decided I need to lose a little weight. So, I decided to order the Insanity program (and managed to get it for free). Needless to say, this program is my worst nightmare. I don't mind lifting weights, but anyone who knows me knows how much I loathe cardio. With that being said, this program is ALL CARDIO!! I almost threw up after the fit test on day 1, and as you can tell from the picture, day 2 isn't any better.

2 days down, 58 more to go. I'm also trying to follow the meal plan. That's my biggest weakness. I love food. The more the better. Luckily Kimberly is there to yell at me if I want to eat some junk.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

carry this in your pocket

i love my job because it is so varied: i get to work with kiddos, their parents, their teachers, and administrators. on any given day, i am the recipient of oodles of hugs, smiles and thank yous. i get to discuss art, writing, problem solving and tantrums.

people are always sticking their heads into my area of what one of my co-workers and fellow room inhabitants has labeled "La La Land" to see what i am creating.

i get to make people smile. and this makes me smile.

but some days, its hard. like everyone, i get the occasional onset of "the blues." it doesn't mean anything more than the fact that i am human.

at the same time, i'm always looking for ways to avoid these negative feelings.

i get a lot of daily emails at work from various organizations. their topics range from parenting and children's advocacy to health and personal well-being.

today, i was lucky to receive this inspirational one from Childcare Exchange.

"John Wooden, arguably the best basketball coach of all time, died on Friday at the age of 99. Wooden, the Wizard of Westwood, coached UCLA from 1948 to 1975. During that time his accomplishments were unprecedented, including 10 National Championships, four perfect 30-0 seasons, and an 88 game winning streak.

When he graduated from elementary school, his dad gave him a $2 bill and a card with “Seven Things to Do”: This card, which Wooden carried with him the rest of his life, read:

  1. Be true to yourself.
  2. Help others.
  3. Make each day your masterpiece.
  4. Drink deeply from good books.
  5. Make friendship a fine art.
  6. Build a shelter against a rainy day.
  7. Pray for guidance, and count and give thanks for your blessings every day."
i don't know about you, but i was completely blown away. so often in life, we find ourselves looking for ways to improve our mood and overall happiness. some of us try to do extraordinary things. we end up being overachievers and eventually burn out. some spend money on pointless stuff, trying to become a status symbol in society.

this email reminded me of a simple truth: don't overlook the small things in life. enjoy being yourself. be thankful for your friendships.

if we would just make an effort to take pleasure in everyday occurrences and make the most of what we are dealt, how much more joy would each of us have?

Sunday, June 6, 2010

i'm a golden retriever

pre-marital seminar = great idea

i have to admit: when david texted me to find out if i was interested in attending a pre-marital counseling seminar, i cried.

why? it once again affirmed that david is everything i need. knowing my past, he's very sensitive to the fact that i want to be married for fifty years, but am terrified at the possibility of someone walking out on me again.

i can think a million things david would rather do than attend a counseling seminar. and yet, he did. for me. for us.

david understands me to my very core. he can look at me and know what emotion i'm feeling, even if i am trying to hide it.

i've never been one to talk about my fears and short-comings. and yet, with him, i can. i know without a doubt that he will not judge me. that he will accept me. that he will do everything possible to help me with whatever i am going through, and never bring up my past failures in a negative light.

my love languages are gifts and physical touch. david brings me coffee in bed. he snuggles up beside me.

he makes my heart smile. every day.

Friday, June 4, 2010

The Busy Season

It's 5am and I'm wide awake. I guess that's what happens when you fall asleep at 8:30 after doing 12 hours of clinicals in podunk Pell City, Alabama.

Not even married yet and I think this summer is going to test mine and Kimberly's relationship. I'm working full-time and I have to do nearly 200 clinicals hours as well this summer for school, on top of all the wedding things (both mine and others') that will need to be attended this summer. I'll do another 9 hours of clinicals today, then pack up and drive do Opelika for some pre-marital counseling tomorrow.

I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow for some reason. Since Kimberly and I started dating we haven't had any fights, and we seem to be on the same page about everything. I know we will have our differences and fights eventually, but our core values are the same, and that's what a healthy marriage is built upon. You can't build on a narrow foundation.

With that being said, I'll leave you with one of my favorite pictures of Kimberly.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


if you'd have asked me if i'd be here in life nine years ago, my answer would be "no way."

a decade ago, i pictured myself a stay-at-home mom at nearly age thirty. changing diapers. teaching the alphabet to my kiddo. up to my ears in tiny laundry.

and yet, here i am. living in birmingham again. about to get married. again.

there was a time that the thought of that last "again" made me cringe. made me nearly hyperventilate with anxiety. made me sick in my stomach.

yet, now, this same "again" makes me grin from ear to ear. calms me. makes my heart sing.

no, i never expected that my life would take to path it has. i imagine that those of us that have had life-changing experiences never saw them coming, most of us not until it was too late. and there was a time, perhaps several years, that true joy did not seem to again be possible. it wasn't even an option.

when the life you've been living veers off course, sometimes you find yourself alive again after looking death in the eyes. perhaps after living in a perceived purgatory.

would i change it? would i give up what i have now to erase the pain of what was?

not a chance.

if you'd have told me i'd soon become mrs. david farr, that i'd marry a schoolgirl crush, that i'd reconnect with someone so much like me it's almost scary, i'd have laughed in your face.

i guess (thankfully) the joke's on me.