so, i've been putting off this blog post simply because i am afraid that i cannot find the words to adequately express my immense amount of joy.  well, that and the fact that i knew just attempting this would bring me to tears. {sniff}

on august 20, 2010 i realized what it means to marry your best friend.  the one person who understands you better than anyone else.  the person who you want by your side no matter what is happening.

to think that after 14 years the LORD brought a childhood crush back into my life.

and he was the one.  i just knew it.  i felt it in my soul.  and everything he did and said confirmed it.

seeing him for the first time that day, we both got a bit teary, but there wasn't any crying.  more than anything, i was just so very excited.  taking pictures was miserable for the most part, but i felt so beautiful when david looked at me that i hardly even cared. (for this, i can only speak for myself)

we mingled before the ceremony, and promptly at six, our family sat down and waited.

as "how beautiful" played softly in the chapel, david's grandmother and our mothers were seated, david's dad took his place beside him, and my sister played the role of maid of honor.

during the last stanza, daddy walked me down the aisle, telling me how happy he was before we appeared in the chapel foyer.  this time, there was no asking if i was sure this was what i wanted to do.  we both knew how right it was.

the ceremony was short, but so very special.  our childhood minister spoke softly about our story.  our fathers read the verses we had selected, with mine reading Romans 5:1-, the one that has carried me through the past 3 years.

as we recited our vows and exchanged rings, my heart was so full that i was completely unaware of anyone else in the room.  it was just us.  even thinking of it now makes my throat catch.

love is unpredictable.  it sometimes makes no sense at first, only to turn into the simplest of concepts.

david is my one true love.  my partner for life.  hearing him pledge to be with me forever was the most romantic experience i could have ever imagined. 

i know that in another ten years, i will reflect upon this day and think, "wow. and i thought we loved each other so much back then."

in my opinion, this makes me the world's luckiest girl.

stars and stripes forever?

today is flag day.

i do not know this because i am exceptionally patriotic. i know this because it is also an old friend's birthday.

i've never really thought of it as "flag day." until this year.

i am lucky enough to have not had to personally experience was it is like to be a military family. however, this year, i feel like it is all around me.

my "cubbymate" at work just sent her boyfriend off to basic training. he's scheduled to deport shortly.

a former "hallmate" of my mine from freshman year of college just had to be experience the horror of military limbo while waiting to find out if her husband was going to be ordered overseas.

my sweet cousin, miriah, spent the first year of her marriage apart from her new husband as he served our country.

i watch "army wives," but i do not know what it must be like.

today, i got to thinking about david. about his being a nurse. about the very real possibility of another world war.

i asked him, "if we were to go to war again, and there was a need, a calling, for medical professionals, would you enlist in the armed forces?"

without hesitation, he replies, "yes. i'd feel like it was my duty. it would suck: for me, for you, for us. but i'd feel like it was the right thing to do."

at this moment, i experienced very conflicting emotions: i was scared and proud at the same time. david is so genuine and strong in his convictions. he is open and honest. these are just a few of the reasons i know he will make a wonderful husband (and, God willing, one day, a father).

i don't know what it is like to send away someone you love to fight for a greater cause.

but this year, i've been more aware of it.

God bless you all.

i'm a golden retriever

pre-marital seminar = great idea

i have to admit: when david texted me to find out if i was interested in attending a pre-marital counseling seminar, i cried.

why? it once again affirmed that david is everything i need. knowing my past, he's very sensitive to the fact that i want to be married for fifty years, but am terrified at the possibility of someone walking out on me again.

i can think a million things david would rather do than attend a counseling seminar. and yet, he did. for me. for us.

david understands me to my very core. he can look at me and know what emotion i'm feeling, even if i am trying to hide it.

i've never been one to talk about my fears and short-comings. and yet, with him, i can. i know without a doubt that he will not judge me. that he will accept me. that he will do everything possible to help me with whatever i am going through, and never bring up my past failures in a negative light.

my love languages are gifts and physical touch. david brings me coffee in bed. he snuggles up beside me.

he makes my heart smile. every day.

reflection

if you'd have asked me if i'd be here in life nine years ago, my answer would be "no way."

a decade ago, i pictured myself a stay-at-home mom at nearly age thirty. changing diapers. teaching the alphabet to my kiddo. up to my ears in tiny laundry.

and yet, here i am. living in birmingham again. about to get married. again.

there was a time that the thought of that last "again" made me cringe. made me nearly hyperventilate with anxiety. made me sick in my stomach.

yet, now, this same "again" makes me grin from ear to ear. calms me. makes my heart sing.

no, i never expected that my life would take to path it has. i imagine that those of us that have had life-changing experiences never saw them coming, most of us not until it was too late. and there was a time, perhaps several years, that true joy did not seem to again be possible. it wasn't even an option.

when the life you've been living veers off course, sometimes you find yourself alive again after looking death in the eyes. perhaps after living in a perceived purgatory.

would i change it? would i give up what i have now to erase the pain of what was?

not a chance.

if you'd have told me i'd soon become mrs. david farr, that i'd marry a schoolgirl crush, that i'd reconnect with someone so much like me it's almost scary, i'd have laughed in your face.

i guess (thankfully) the joke's on me.